Archive for May, 2008

How Very Appropriate!

May 13, 2008

The great-grandfather of Peter Bazalgette, Chief Creative Officer of Endemol, the TV company who offer us such tastefully inclined programmes as the kidney donor show and Big Brother, evidently created London’s sewer system. How very appropriate!


The Deterent

May 13, 2008

Crime will continue to rise or at least maintain the current level unless the government begin to impose the necessary deterent, imprisonment!

Street crime, even murder, involving young people is a common occurence now, hence I suggest the following deterent should be imposed on young people who commit serious criminal acts.

We must build young offenders prisons so as to give those found guilty of such criminal acts as car theft, driving without a licence and/or insurance, causing physical injury and unruly behaviour a hard taste of life behind bars. The young offender prisons should have single cells in which basic facilities only include a bed, chair, table, flush latrine and a wash-basin.

The guilty offender should be told by the court that the initial sentence of 3-6 months will be at least doubled should the offender come before any court again. A suspended sentence of 6 months should also be imposed and run concurrent as a means of guaranteeing good behaviour.

The offender will not be permitted to mingle with other offenders, will enjure one hour of outdoor PT twice per day administered by ex forces PTI’s. There shall be no gym facilties available, he/she will not be permitted the use of a phone or allowed to watch TV, but will be allowed selected piped radio stations and two selected books per week. One letter out and one in per week, eat what you are given, the alternatives being bread and water, or going without.

Carrying a knife will result in 5 years imprisonment, carrying a gun will result in ten years (if you ain’t gonna use it why carry it?).

I Salute The Ladies!

May 13, 2008

Having given the matter considerable thought, I have decided to nominate British ladies who in my opinion have done and are still winning much credit for this country.

Dame Judy Dench: a lady who apart from being a superb actress, also seems to have an amazing sense of humour.

Darcy Bussell: pure dedication and talent in abundance has resulted in worldwide recognition of her expertise as prima ballerina with the Royal Ballet. Her explanatory TV programmes are quite superb.

Catherine Jenkins: a voice of pure clarity and quality, with a physical beauty that simply enhances the on-stage performance.

Zara Phillips: European Champion and World Champion, a most talented horsewoman with a common-touch so rare amongst those who have had a somewhat privileged upbringing. Who would bet against her winning at the Beijing Olympics?

Kirsty Allsopp: Elequent and courteous, an intelligent lady whose diction should be bottled and sold to schools, her mention of the Winter (minuet pause) Gardens emphasised the fact that the Margate building was a winter retreat. Her knowledge of property I imagine to be unequalled!